Don't Be a Lone Ranger

I was thinking today about how alone Pastors often are in their work. Particularly in the aspect of their Pastoral Counseling work. They know that what is shared with them in confidence is a sacred trust and must not be divulged to other parishioners. But then they get stuck in their sessions with a counselee.Perhaps they realize that the sessions are not making progress, or that they feel increasingly uncomfortable, or maybe even increasingly too comfortable with the parishioner coming for counseling. What can they do?

Mental health professionals of every discipline are taught in graduate school to seek supervision when they get stuck with a counseling client. In graduate school or early in their carears there is always a designated clinical supervisor to which they are assigned. A regular series of supervision appointments review all their couseling sessions. The supervisor is there to verify that they have a treatment plan and goals established for their clients. The supervisor helps them to clarify issues if they become fuzzy in the thinking of the beginning counselor. The supervisor can ask what about the client they find irritating or hard to deal with. The experience of the supervisor can help the new counselor to understand that this particularly client reminds them of unfinished issues in the counselor's own relationship with their parent. Maybe the supervisor helps the counselor know when they can't be helpful to a client because of transference issues and how to gracefully initiate a referral to another mental health professional. Even after the licensed professional no longer is required by law to have supervision, they know that it is wise to seek collegial supervision or consultation with other professionals when they get stuck with a counselee.

I think it would be just as valuable for pastors who are doing counseling to seek supervision when they get stuck with a counselee. The ministerial training system does not usually provide such regular clinical supervision for clergy-in-training. So the "stuck" pastor is not used to seeking consultation. But the need still exists never-the-less. Where can the "stuck" pastor go? Well, they can go to another experienced clergy person in the area. Just remember that you must protect the confidentiality of your counselee (which even includes their identity). Just present the case facts without identification, the nature of how you feel stuck and get their feedback. If this doesn't seem feesable, you might approach an established Christian mental health professional in your area. I know a psychologist in our town who regularly offers the pastors in the community free telephone consultations regarding their pastoral counseling cases. There may be an experienced hospital chaplain in your area who could provide this kind of consultation. Also, since this is the Ministry Care Line Blog, I should mention that this is certainly an appropriate use of a call to Ministry Care Line if you are part of a subscribing organization. All the staff are capable of helping a stuck counseling pastor think through what is going on in their counseling situation. And of course the call is confidential and can be anonymous if the pastor wants.

So, don't be a Lone Ranger Counseling Pastor. Getting supervision might save you from harming a parishioner or getting into a painful or embarassing situation in your ministry.

Blessings!

--Bob Peach, Ministry Care Line Director

Stress Kills!

The picture shows the results of research into the effect of stress on telomere shortening.  A telomere is a region of repetitive DNA at the end of our chromosomes that protects the chromosome from deterioration.  Telomeres don't last forever: they get shorter as we age.  When they are gone, the chromosome is no longer able to reproduce and the cell dies.  When enough cells die, we die.  So anything that shortens a telomere, shortens life.  This study demonstrates that stress can speed up telomere shortening, thus speeding up aging, thus speeding up dying.  (Source: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15574496)
This is obviously bad news for those of us with a lot of stress in our lives - which includes just about all of us!  So what can we do to reduce the stress in our lives?  This is a matter of life and death!  We must find a way to handle stress.  But how?

There are some proven strategies for stress reduction.  Dr. Albert Ellis proposes using the A,B,C method:

• A = Activating Event - the thing that creates the stress in the first place.  By the creative use of the word "no", we can eliminate a lot of things that create stress in our lives.  Get to the calendar before anyone else does and schedule time for God, time for family, time for play, time for sleep, time for relaxation, time for exercise.  Then, when someone asks if we can do something, we pull out of appointment book or pda, and see if we have already scheduled ourselves for one of this very important activities and, if we have, we shake our heads and say, "No. Sorry.  I already have an appointment in that time slot."  (Another name for this is "Getting the Big Rocks in First", but that's another healthy spirituality tip for another blog post.  Check back!)
• B = Beliefs - what we believe about the activating event.  Some things are not inherently stressful.  What we believe about them is what creates our stress.  For instance, you get a summons to the conference president's office.  You think, "Oh, oh!  What's up?  This can't be good."  You experience stress because of what you believe about the event.  But suppose when you get there he says, "I just wanted to congratulate you in person on the great job your doing in your church!  Keep up the good work, and here's a little something to show our appreciation for your ministry," and he hands you a gift certificate for a Caribbean cruise!  You were all worked up for nothing!  It was only your beliefs about the activating event that created the stress, not the event itself.  Similarly, we can deliberately choose what label to put onto an event, and that label will determine whether the event is stressful or not.
• C = Consequences - what we do with the outcomes of the stressor, how we handle it, how we handle our stress.  Exercise can reduce the consequences of stress.  Prayer can, too.  The support of family and/or friends can mitigate the effects of stress.  Oxygen helps - just some simple breathing exercises can actually reduce stress hormones in our bodies and reduce the damaging effects of stress.  Relaxation exercises are helpful.  Stay tuned to this column for more effective ways to reduce the effects of stress on our bodies and help us to stay healthy.

Go in peace!

A New Service from Ministry Care Line

Ministry Care Line - a service of the Kettering Health Network based in Kettering, Ohio - has been offering clergy care since 1992 via a national 800 number phone service for pastors, teachers, staff, and their spouses and children. Through Ministry Care Line (MCL) church professionals and their immediate family members have confidential access to the support and consultation of trained Christian mental health professionals who are just a phone call away. In addition, MCL can provide referrals to Christian counselors in your own city or town for face-to-face counseling.

Now, MCL is available to you on your computer with helpful advice and information to enrich your life, your relationships, and your ministry. Just check right here to get help with daily living. You can comment on any blog post - anonymously if you wish. Ask us questions and we will do our best to find a qualified professional to answer you.

Family, ministry, relationships, emotions, grief, problems, questions - Ministry Care Line will bring you regular suggestions for dealing with all this and more - right to your desktop.

We'll be looking for you, right here, at the Ministry Care Line Blog.